


Too Kind, Too Anxious

by BunnyHani



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18844042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyHani/pseuds/BunnyHani
Summary: His members are too kind. But Lee Felix is too kind and too anxious. But it’s all okay in the end.Or, Felix gets anxiety from borrowing money from others and does dumb decisions because of it.This story already exists in my tumblr with the same name, same account!





	Too Kind, Too Anxious

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Anxiety! Please do not read if you're easily triggered by anxiety in stories!

Felix has always been an anxious person to begin with. Many things caused him anxiety, there was many days, where he felt on edge without a good reason, which fueled his anxiety even further. He has now learned to avoid lots of those things, that caused him anxiety, by declining favors and being kind to everyone. To others, he seemed shy and everyone really just thought, that he truly just was so kind. Don't get it wrong, he is, but he just had other reasons to do them as well. There were still things, that just couldn't be avoided. Like trying out new stuff, failing in front of others... His dear members have always helpful and understanding of his anxiety, even though some of those anxieties and fears were a bit dumb, well.. At least that's how Felix felt about them. The members always said, they weren't dumb, especially if it caused him so much anxiety that could easily spiral him into a panic attack or an anxiety attack. There was still one thing, that was getting harder and harder to avoid, because of his members' kindness. He wanted to facepalm his hand through his face, because avoiding it became harder and harder and on top of it all, the members started noticing his avoidance towards it. The thing, that causes him unspeakable anxiety is borrowing money, having other people buy him stuff and people doing him favors. His members just happened to be the kindest people walking on this earth, he was grateful but during these situations, where he had to make up excuses to decline their favors and stop them from buying him anything, he just wanted to scream and rip his hair. Felix still knew that he wouldn't be able to hide this forever, if the members were already suspicious.

Felix felt like he was under water, all the noise was muffled as he stared at the present, that Chan had given him. He could hear other members squealing and thanking Chan, the amazing leader had bought them all Airpods. The younger Australian could feel his heart rate picking up, his mind started whirling and his hands were shaking ever so slightly, all thanks to the anxiety that just filled him. He slowly lifted his gaze to Chan, who was busy hugging Jisung, who was excitedly chattering to him. Felix could only wish to have the same reaction as him. He swallowed thickly and with shaky voice, he said:  
"Thank you so much, Chan-hyung." Chan spared him a glance and did a double take at the boy. He looked... Chan wasn't sure how to describe the emotion, that Felix's face expressed, maybe fear? But why would be afraid?

Felix after ten minutes, he quickly escaped to the dorms' bedrooms. He faceplanted his bed and quickly threw the box, which held the Airpods, into the drawer next to his bed. These things costed so so much. How could he ever get so much money, that he could pay him back? Tears welled up in his eyes and he clenched his fist tightly, curling himself into a ball. Why was Chan so kind? He cried out of anxiety. The pillow underneath his head began to get wet with his tears, his body shaking with silent sobs that he refused to let out. His body ached from the cramped position, but he couldn't move. He didn't want to.  
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, which startled Felix to the point that he stopped breathing. His eyes were snapped wide open and he was now biting on his finger. The door creaked open, the light beam slipping into the room and showing the person's silhouette.  
"Felix?" Chan called out softly to the boy. Felix forced his muscles to relax and his breathing to go slowly, to make it look like he was sleeping. It was hard, as the anxiety kept squeezing his chest and throat, making the breaths wheeze a bit. Chan carefully walked over to Felix's bed and sat down onto the edge of it. He didn't do anything, just listened to the younger Aussie breathe, while being very conflicted on the inside. Should he wake him up or let him sleep? They did have a tiring day and it was getting late, so should he really wake him? Besides, he had yet to get the other kids to sleep as well. But Felix had looked so anxious, so scared that it really bothered the man. He sighed and quietly got up to leave the room. At the door, he glanced back again and said softly to the boy, who he thought to be sleeping:  
"Good night." He decided to talk about this with the boy tomorrow.

Felix woke up to his phone falling off of his bed's edge and with that, he was 100% awake. He picked his phone up, careful not to drop it again. Others were still fast asleep and internally, the boy sighed in relief. Yesterday’s events quickly catched up to his mind and he could feel the anxiety starting to claw his chest. His adam's apple wobbled as he swallowed, he opened his phone and started thinking ideas how to pay Chan back. Maybe an act of kindness? Cleaning around the dorms? Felix's mind was quickly filled with different suggestions, but none of them seemed good enough. Chan had bought him things WITH MONEY. Again, the lad wanted to slap himself. There was only one option left: to get a side-job. It was going to be tiring, but it was the only way, he could think how he would make money quicker. And with that, he started googling places that were taking in part-time workers, most of them were cafés, which Felix didn't mind at all. This would be perfect, he could arrange the schedule, so he wouldn't miss practice, and if there were changes, he could just talk to his boss. Well... That is if he even would get the job. And he would probably have to talk to JYP about the whole thing as well... Felix groaned into his pillow and punched it. It would take a lot of convincing, reasoning and some bullshitting, maybe. He browsed through the cafés' pages to see which would be closest to him and seemed the nicest. It was quite entertaining, he continued reading them, despite having an obvious favorite already. It was distracting and keeping his focus away from the anxiety, that was still curling his stomach. That and he was hungry. So Felix had no choice, except get up and get something to eat. He was still a bit anxious, but definitely a lot more calmer, now knowing that he had a plan.

He ate a banana and an apple, his stomach still sensitive from the anxiety. He started to feel anxious again, as the thought about the fact that he had to pay a visit to JYP soon. It stressed him to no end. I'm doing this for Chan, he reminded himself bravely. The Aussie wrote a note to the other members, that he would stop by the company to practice a bit and come back for lunch at least. It was a day off for Stray Kids, so he really couldn't have picked a better day to do this, since everyone was still asleep. But that wasn't a surprise, since it was only about 8.30am. He quickly changed into loose sweats and a hoodie, took his backpack and phone and then he was off to go. He double-checked that he had indeed locked the dorms' doors and started to walk to the company with brisk steps. Hopefully the other members wouldn't wake up before he came back and if they did, they wouldn't question him. Others might not, but Chan would. Felix remembered, how the older Australian had wanted to talk to him last night. Probably about his reaction to Chan's gift. He cursed under his breath and picked up the pace.

When he arrived to the company, he was slightly out of breath and his calves were a bit sore from speed walking. He quickly got in, greeted staff and people that came his way with a smile. He walked and walked, until he was infront of Park Jinyoung's office. His heart rate sped up and he pressed his fingers against his neck, checking his pulse. He paced back and forth for some time, until he had enough courage to knock on the door.  
"Come in!" Came JYP's voice. The voice on its own gave him the chills already. With shaky hands he opened the door and stepped in. Jinyoung looked up from his papers and asked:  
"Hello Felix, what brings you here?" Felix glanced around the room and took a deep breath.  
"Well..."

Felix's legs felt like jelly, when he finally stepped out of JYP's office. He leaned on the wall for support, tilting his head back and taking deep breaths. Eyes closed, he finally let a small smile grace his plump, yet dry and chapped lips. JYP had agreed, after a painfully long discussion. He didn't want to think too much that why exactly did JYP agree, but he was glad. Now he just had to apply for the cafès and hope that they would hire him. He checked the groupchat, nobody had sent anything yet, which was good. He decided to now make a trip to the cafè, that he thought of applying for. He leaned into the wall for some time to make sure his legs weren't going to collapse under him. Some staff gave him weird glances and even asked if he was okay. He just smiled and reassured that he was in fact, fine. Well... Partly. His anxiety had lessened significantly since he had JYP's permission to even get a job. But what if he didn't even get a job, so this whole conversation would be in vain. Felix groaned and banged his head on the wall behind him. He winced in pain, but sluggishly prepared himself to leave the building.

He arrived at the WhipCream Cafè quite quickly. Mainly because he speedwalked again. He checked his phone again for messages, seeing none. He sighed in relief. He still had to work quickly so he stepped in, eyes looking for the owner of the cafè right away. For a moment, despair scratched his heart, but then he saw the elderly lady behind the counter. He let a smile come to his lips again, as he saw her. Felix, with slow steps walked towards the counter, hands clenched together in his pockets, mentally gathering courage again. When the old lady recognized him, a beautiful smile appeared. Felix's heart ached at the elderly lady's smile. The kind old woman kind of reminded Felix of his own grandmother. It was partly the reason, why decided to first apply for this certain cafè. That and the fact that this wasn't very big cafè. There were enough people, but not too much, so that it would be continually hard to even breathe. But there were still not enough employees, so that was a plus again for Felix.  
"Ah, hello Felix! What would you like to have?" The lady asked. Felix smiled softly and said:  
"I would like to have a hot cocoa with chocolate chip cookie." The woman smiled and directed him to sit down, saying that she would bring his order soon. The place carried a homey feeling, which just made Felix feel so comfortable and warm, whenever he visited the place. He leaned his head onto his palm, watching people pass on the streets from the window in front of him. However, his thoughts were interrupted, when the tray of goods were served onto the table.  
"I hope you enjoy your treat, Felix", she said and turned to leave. Felix was quick to call her name and asking her to stop. The woman halted her steps and glanced at the boy, eyebrow raised. Felix's cheeks flushed from embarrassment. He should have thought about that before just blurting out whatever came to the tip of his tongue.  
"Actually... There is a reason too, why I stopped by", he said hesitantly, fidgeting in his seat. The old woman nodded, sat down onto the seat opposite of him. She motioned for him to continue and Felix did.

"Thank you so much, I'll be there!" Felix said, bowing to the grandma. She shook her head, smiling gently and said the farewells. Felix bowed again and left the café with a lighter heart. He hadn't gotten the job straight up, but he got invited to the job interview, which was fine for him. Of course he was still anxious about the interview, but he felt slightly more comfortable now. The grandma would most likely take him in, seeing that they lacked workers and she had a soft spot for Felix, since he was a regular customer and incredibly polite to people. That still didn't ease his heart. He hadn't gotten the job straight up, but he got invited to the job interview, which was fine for him. He really wanted and needed this job, in order to pay back for Chan. Of course there were other places, that he could apply for, but he was the most familiar with this particular café. He could only hope for the best and try to prepare himself for the job interview. That meant that Felix was going to google all kinds of questions that may be asked during the interview, different videos on the topic and just do overall research. It eased him, if he knew that he was well prepared and of course, if he knew what he was talking about, would leave a better impression. He made a mental note to start googling stuff, when he had any free time. He then headed back to the dorms, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket. Still no messages. Now it was a bit worrisome. Either they were still sleeping or they were waiting for him. He obviously wished for the first option, but he was pretty sure that it wasn't up to him to decide. With those thoughts, he started walking faster.

Felix opened the dorms' door and got in quickly, trying not to let any warmth escape. He tried to be as quiet as possible, heart stilling when he heard steps in the hallway. He quietly toed off his shoes and hanging his jacket onto the hanger, lightly walking through the corridor to see who was awake. It was only Jeongin and by the looks of it, the maknae was barely awake. He drank his glass of water with droopy eyes and he looked absolutely adorable. Felix waited patiently for the younger to finish his glass of water, so he could make his presence known. He didn't want to scare the other boy, since it could lead him to choking on the water that he was drinking. The moment, when Jeongin put his glass onto the counter, Felix softly greeted:  
"Hey. Is anyone else awake?" Needless to say, Jeongin jumped at the sudden voice, small yelp leaving his lips and his hand quickly landing on his chest.  
Felix winced at the sound of his yelp, smiling apologetically and mumbling a small 'sorry'. After the maknae had waited for his breathing to even out, he replied:  
"No. We stayed up quite late, all testing the Airpods Chan gave us." Felix nodded stiffly, mind flying to the Airpods, where they were now hidden in his drawer.  
"Are you okay? You left quite early last night", the maknae asked. Felix snapped his gaze onto the younger boy. He wasn't aware that others may have noticed as well. He just nodded.  
"Yes, we just had a long day. I hadn't been able to sleep the previous night very well", Felix lied easily. Jeongin furrowed his brows in concern, frown making its way onto his face. Before anyone he could question Felix any further, they heard other steps come closer to the kitchen. Felix subtly moved to grab the note from the table and stuffed it to his pocket. He turned just in time to witness extremely tired looking Chan come in. The leader's hair was a mess, his face was a bit swollen from sleep, but Felix still found the older unrealistically beautiful. Chan as well took a glass of water, peeling his eyes open to look at the pair in the kitchen. He took a notice of how they were dressed: the maknae had his sleeping shorts on along with the t-shirt, while Felix was dressed in sweats and a hoodie, but he looked a lot more awake than Chan himself and Jeongin all together, meaning the boy has been awake for awhile now. He reminded himself to talk to the younger Aussie.  
"What are you two doing up? When did you even get up?" he asked, when he was done drinking. The two exchanged looks and shrugging.  
"I woke up just a few minutes ago, but I don't know about Lix-hyung", the youngest replied, shifting the attention from him to Felix. Felix also shrugged.  
"Ehh... I woke up maybe an hour ago or so", he lied again. He had been awake for about for over 3 hours already, going around the city, running errands. But his members didn't need to know that. Chan narrowed his eyes, but accepted his answer. To him, Felix had absolutely no reason to lie. Or, at least, he couldn't think of any. He just hummed, and the younger ones started to make their leave from the kitchen. As Felix was close to Chan, the leader grabbed him by the elbow. His grip was there, but it wasn't painful. Just enough. But to Felix, the grip felt too tight. He turned his head to look at Chan so quickly, that the man was afraid that Felix might have hurt his neck in the process.  
"May I have a word with you?" Chan asked with a low voice. Felix nodded. Chan still held Felix's elbow, as he more or less dragged the boy to kitchen table to sit down. Again, Felix's mind was going everywhere. His mind seemed to do that too much especially these days and it was honestly tiring. The Aussies sat down to the opposite of each other and there was a moment of silence. To Chan it was a comfortable silence, taking time to think how to word his question. Felix on the other hand, was extremely uncomfortable. He couldn't bring himself to look at Chan, opting to look around the kitchen. Ohh, how on earth is there a stain on the wall? he asked to himself, furrowing his brows. He wasn't entirely surprised, that there seemed to be a sauce stain on the wall, if he was honestly speaking. Chan finally seemed to notice how distracted and uncomfortable Felix looked. He sighed, which got Felix's attention. He held the eye contact with the leader for a moment, then dropping his eyes to his lap, where he started fiddling with his hoodie's sleeves.  
"Felix... Are you okay? Last night, you looked really anxious, even scared", he finally opened his mouth. Thankfully, Felix had prepared himself to this. Which is exactly why he was able to reply steadily:  
"Yes, I'm fine. I was just tired and a bit stressed from the upcoming comeback." Chan nodded, still a bit suspicious. The excuse made perfect sense, but he still felt like there were things that he didn't know about. He didn't want to accuse Felix of lying, since he seemed genuine.  
"I believe you... I just.. You can come and talk to me whenever, no matter what time. You can talk to me about whatever you want, you don't need a reason to come to me. Hell, we can even talk about rainbows and sheep if you want. Just know, that I'm here to talk", he said. Felix smiled sincerely at the group leader.  
"I will. Than you, Channie-hyung", he said. They smiled gently and got up to hug. Felix was glad to have a person like Chan, but there was still a weight on his chest, that kept pressing down. He didn't say anything, just breathed in Chan's comforting scent, which smelled like clean laundry.

Few days later, when Felix knew that they had a spare day coming up again, he was mentally preparing himself for the job interview. He had managed to settle the date on a spare day and he was silently doing a little victory dance. To say that he was proud, was an understatement. When Felix woke up on the day of the job interview, he was shaky and nervous. Felix stood in front of his closet, biting his bottom lip and silently digging his nails onto his arm. How should he dress? The boy threw his head back in frustration and quietly groaned. He knew he needed to look a little more put together, meaning he couldn’t come in with sweats and sweatshirt. But then again, if the members were awake by the time he came back, it would look very suspicious if he was in collared shirt and jeans. Especially on a spare day. So Felix resolved to stuff more comfortable clothes into his backpack and dress into the jeans and the shirt. He would change his clothes at the café’s bathroom then. With a satisfied nod, he got up from his crouching position, only to then stumble on the very backpack, that he had just zipped closed. He landed with a bit louder thud and a wheeze, as he landed on his stomach. Seungmin’s head shot up at the thud and the boy looked around to find the source of the noise. His eyes landed on Felix’s figure that was still on the floor.  
“Are you okay?” He asked, failing to notice that the boy was a bit more dressed up than usual, thank to his sleep-fogged brains.Felix scrambled up after hearing the younger boy’s voice and said breathlessly:  
“Yeah, I just… Fell over my backpack. Go back to sleep.” Seungmin gladly complied to his orders and laid his head back onto his pillow and soon started snoring away. Felix breathed in relief. If Seungmin would have been more awake, Felix would have truly been in trouble. The younger boy was very observant and clever, so Felix could only thank the lords that Seungmin was sleepy. He didn’t want to spend anymore time in the room, getting suffocated by his own thoughts, so he tiptoed to kitchen to grab few fruits and left the dorms. This time he didn’t leave any notes behind, since getting rid of it under the member’s watchful eyes was extremely difficult. Last time he was saved yet again, because Chan and Jeongin both were just woken up. Maybe the sleeping fairy was on his side, since luck certainly wasn’t. Felix quickly more or less ran to Café WhipCream. His heart was pounding and hands shaking with adrenaline and nerves. The elderly lady, miss Kim lifted her head up from behind the counter and smiled. She gestured him to follow her to her office to do the interview. Felix swallowed nervously, again digging his nails onto his arm to control his anxiety that continued making his breath choppy and hitch every now and then. 

Felix left the office with a smile on his face. He went to the bathroom to quickly change his clothes into the comfortable sweats. He relished the fuzzy, warm material of the fabric and sighed in contentment. Usually jobs need time to consider about hiring people, but miss Kim said that he didn’t need to worry, since he was the only one who had applied, so basically.. He got the job. He was excited about starting to work here and of course he was glad to know that he was being useful. He would get to pay Chan back and help miss Kim on the way. 

-A few month time skip-

Felix was so so tired. He knew the consequences of basically having two jobs and hiding one of them. He had to constantly make sure that the schedules didn’t clash and that his members remained unaware of it all. But just because he had managed to keep it a secret, didn’t mean that the members hadn’t notice how his under eyes kept getting darker and was starting to form eyebags that were close to rivaling 3racha’s. He often felt sluggish and slept whenever he could. The members were truly getting worried about him, but they wanted to believe that Felix would come to them when he was ready. So if it was up to Felix, that moment would never come. Not when he was so close the paying back Chan and having more money to spoil the members as a little apology for being so distant. 

Felix smiled brightly at the young boy who had just ordered a smoothie. The boy happily skipped away to a table to wait for their order to come while the mom stayed back to pay. The mother watched with fond eyes at his son, who was now fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket as a distraction. After the woman payed, she too went to sit beside her son. Felix felt his heart clench at the sight of them. They looked so happy. It of course reminded him of his mother, but of his members too. He realized how little time he actually spend with them anymore, as he now had another job to attend to and he slept whenever he could, so they were really just seeing him in work associations. He felt guilty, but tried to convince himself that everything would be worth it and that the members magically wouldn’t be too hurt and concerned of his well-being. He turned to make everything ready, but another employe, Jisoo offered to serve the son and the mother, as new customers were coming in. Felix flashed her a grateful smile and turned to the new customers, waiting to order. The customers were two girls, whose eyes were the sizes of plates when they saw Felix. Felix’s heart started beating a little too fast in his chest for his licking. He tried to remain professional when taking their orders, but his mind was a mess of questions and fears. What if these were crazy fans? What if they would leak this information in Twitter or anywhere for that matter? It would be disaster. Sure, it would be good for the sales for the café, but it also meant that the rest of Stray Kids had a possibility of seeing that post, meaning he would get caught. The girls ordered with shaky voices and continued stuttering. As he turned his back for them to get them a tray, he couldn’t help but overhear their “hushed” conversation:  
“Oh my goodness, is that Felix from Stray Kids?”  
“Yes, yes it is! What is he doing here? Jeez… He looks even prettier in real life!” Felix felt himself paling even more and sweat started gathering at his hairline. He quickly wiped it away and turned back to them with a pleasant smile.  
“Please go and sit back, I will bring your order to you in a bit”, he said, voice dropping even lower than usual, due to his nerves. The girls swallowed thickly and nodded, scrambling off after paying. He really didn’t want to serve them, but he needed to. He needed to ask for the girls not to leak this information forward. With a deep breath, he walked over to their table.

The fans had been very understanding and promised not to tell anyone. Felix couldn’t have been more grateful. The girls turned out to be very polite and nice, after getting rid of their nervousness when they actually realized that Felix was also nervous and just a regular human being. Felix was just glad that this hadn’t escalated. He was brought back to reality, when he heard a familiar voice.  
“Felix?” Felix whipped around so quickly, he had never moved so fast in his whole entire life. If he thought that his heartbeat had been too fast earlier, it was now exploding as he stared at Jisung and Hyunjin. The two looked at him, expressions unsure and hesitant.  
“What are you doing in here?” Jisung asked, eyes now sharp and focused.  
“Well, I could ask the same thing! I’m helping out miss Kim, she needed some help, since a few employees are sick”, Felix sputtered, eyes wide. Hyunjin and Jisung exchanged glances at each other.  
“It’s been a bit harder for her… There are only few employees, who are almost all of them out sick, so I just wanted to help”, Felix mumbled, eyes downcast and he fiddled with his sleeves. He hoped his lie would pass.  
“Oh… Good job, I guess”, Hyunjin said after a little silence.  
“But umm… What are you guys doing in here?” Felix asked. That snapped the boys out of their dazes and answered:  
“Well… We haven’t seen you really in some time. We thought that we would find you here.” The words tugged at Felix’s heart strings, hard. He smiled sadly at the members and nodded.  
“Well… You weren’t wrong”, he said. Jisung and Hyunjin were about to say something else, but to Felix’s relief, he was called to the backroom to take care of something. Hyunjin and Jisung left the place when they got their orders. They were still unsure about the whole situation. That whole thing had been so confusing. Sure, they had found Felix in the café, but what they hadn’t been expecting was to see him behind the counter, wearing the café’s work uniform. They didn’t tell anyone, they didn’t want any problems to occur for Felix. They trusted him to come and talk to them if he needed to. They should have known better than trust Felix with a task like that. They probably should have told Chan and Woojin about the whole thing, so that they could bring up the matter with Felix. But they didn’t. 

-Few week time skip-

Felix had started smiling more again, but he still slept whenever he could and didn’t spend nearly enough time with the members. They were relieved to notice that his eyes started shining again, as they believed that the matter that had been bothering Felix, was starting to get solved by itself. 

“Hey Felix! Come to the living room, we have great news!” Woojin said as a tired Felix stepped in through the door. He had just finished his shift at the café and honestly, all he wanted to do was sleep. But Woojin looked so adorable, smiling so warmly at Felix, tugging on the younger boy’s wrist. Felix had a hard time believing that Woojin was really the oldest member in the group. Felix let the man drag him to the living room, where slowly but surely other members dragged themselves into. Felix was sitting at the couch, fighting sleep. All of a sudden, a body collapsed on top him. The Australian boy’s eyes snapped open, and he let out a wheeze. Suddenly he was very much awake as he wrapped his arms around the person’s middle so that they wouldn’t fall to the floor.  
“Hi Felix”, Hyunjin said, eyes crinkling at the corners because of his smile. Felix’s heart melted a little bit at the sight and couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his own lips.  
“Hello Hyunjin. You know, you could have just normally sat onto my lap, like a normal human being”, he said casually, while carding his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair with a soft gaze.  
“Well that would have boring”, Hyunjin replied matter-of-factly. Felix snorted at the answer and smacked Hyunjin’s shoulder.  
“Can I get your attention please?” Chan shouted over the ruckus. It really could get extremely loud in the dorms, especially when there was 9 people living there. Felix found himself loving every second of the loud commotion, he had missed it. Usually it might have caused him irritation, but now he found himself feeling content, although he had a headache knocking at his door. Everyone quieted down to give Chan a chance to speak.  
“So the reason why Woojin and I gathered all of you here, is that at the end of the week, JYP gave us a free day. So we came into the conclusion that we should take you guys to an amusement park!” Chan said with a bright smile. Felix nodded a little. Maybe he could consider it…  
“And nobody needs to worry about the tickets or money at all, we’re paying!” Felix’s whole body slumped against the back of the couch. He felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. Well shit…

 

Felix was trying to figure out an excuse to give to Woojin and Chan, why wouldn’t he be able to go to the amusement park with them. He really couldn’t go with them and get even more debt than he already had. Maybe he could just tell that he felt sick. Which wasn’t a lie. He was consumed by worries and his mind was such a mess that it made him feel actually queasy. The other were preparing themselves to go and Felix was still in bed, shaking with nerves. His thoughts were interrupted by Chan, who came busting in through the door.  
“Felix, get up! We’re going to be late”, the older Aussie said, ripping the covers off of the younger’s body. Felix didn’t move, apart from the shaking and hugged himself tighter.  
“Felix?” He asked, laying his hand on Felix’s shoulder. Felix flinched at the touch, muscles tensing and he sunk his teeth onto his bottom lip.  
“Sorry”, he whispered feebly. He couldn’t turn to face Chan yet. Not when his eyes were filling with the tears of anxiety.  
“Hey, it’s okay. What’s going?” Chan asked again, not touching Felix again. Felix silently thanked Chan for that, but kept his mouth shut for a moment, trying to think of a reply. His head felt too full and messy to actually form a proper sentences. English and korean were mixing together and confused him even further and fueled his anxiety.  
“I… I don’t feel too good, Channie-hyung”, he said with a quiet voice. Chan made a confused noise in the back of his throat.  
“My stomach is a bit queasy”, he continued, squeezing his eyes shut as Chan took a gentle hold on his shoulder again, turning him so he could look at the younger boy’s face.  
“Open those eyes for me”, Chan said gently. Felix complied after a moment, forcing the tears to go away. Chan took a shuddering breath. There it was, the look again. The very same look that Felix had when he had been given the AirPods. Now he had more time to observe the expression and it finally clicked. He was anxious. Chan’s mile started going mile a minute as he tried to weigh his options.  
“You can stay behind. I’ll stay with you”, he said while caressing the younger’s hair ever so gently. Felix eyes widened and the boy scrambled to sit up.  
“No no no, you don’t need to, it’s fine! I can manage on my own!” he stuttered hastily. Chan hushed the boy soothingly and said:  
“But you don’t need to. Not when I’m here.” Felix was speechless. He stared at his hyung, dumbfounded.  
“Woojin! Felix isn’t feeling well, I’ll stay behind with him!” Chan shouted for the oldest members. Woojin peeped his head from the door, a frown on his lips.  
“Is he okay?” he asked, voice concerned. Chan briefly explained that the younger’s stomach was a bit queasy, so he would stay behind just in case it would get any worse, but silently betting that it wouldn’t, since Felix wasn’t really “sick”, Woojin nodded sadly and hoped for Felix to get better soon. Felix just thanked and wished a good day for the rest. This was not how he had planned for this to go. Like he had said, luck truly wasn’t on his side. 

Felix didn’t talk to Chan. He knew that the older was onto him, hence he could barely bring himself to look at the older. He didn’t want to spill. Well, seemed like Chan had other ideas. Chan gave Felix space and time for the boy to come to him. He didn’t. Chan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Felix! Can I please talk to you”, he said, the sentence formed as a question but the tone made it clear that it definitely wasn’t a question. Felix didn’t want to upset Chan anymore further than he already had, so he forced himself to sit opposite of Chan at the kitchen table, not meeting the leader’s eyes. Chan stared at Felix. It felt like his gaze was piercing through his whole being and looking at his soul, so uncomfortably, Felix shifted. Chan finally broke the silence:  
“Have we done anything to upset you? Please Felix, talk to me. I want to help you, fix this all. I miss you, we all do.” Felix took a sharp breath. He couldn't say anything and stared at the Aussie.  
“Felix, please! How can I fix this? What is the problem, please let me help you”, Chan pleaded, getting desperate when Felix remained silent. Something snapped inside of Felix when Chan said that.  
“You're too kind”, Felix mumbled. Chan stilled in his seat and stared at the younger boy dumbfoundedly. Too kind?  
“Sorry?” Chan said unsurely, not sure what Felix meant and tilted his head to the side, frowning.  
“You're too kind!” Felix finally exclaimed loudly, finally looking up at Chan. Chan jumped a little at the volume of his voice, but let him rant. He was finally talking and at this state of mind, he would most likely spill what has been bothering him, so Chan had no intention of stopping him. So he didn’t say a word, just listening intently Felix vent.  
“You’re too kind and I’m too anxious! You have to stop being so kind and generous! It makes me feel so guilty and scared, because I don’t know when can I pay you back or will I be able to pay back at all! Like you gave the expensive ass AirPods and I’ve been working so hard to get money to pay you back and then when I thought it all would go well, you and Woojin want to take all of us to an amusement park!” Felix ranted on, a little breathless when he finally got everything said that had been on his mind lately. The only noise that could be heard in the whole entire dorm was Felix’s heavy breathing. Felix nailed his gaze onto the floor, head hanging low and tears pooling in his eyes again. He had been crying too much lately. But he was so tired. His body felt heavy, his mind was still whirling and even breathing felt hard. Those realizations that he had been trying to block out in order to continue on, now kind of crushed him on the spot. The tears started falling and he couldn’t even stop them, or the sobs that started racking his body.  
“What do you mean… Worked so hard?” Chan asked carefully, seeing how upset Felix was. Felix stomped to the room where his paycheck and contract of employment from Café WhipCream were, taking them from his drawer beside his bed. He walked back to kitchen, handing the papers to Chan, not meeting his eyes. Felix slid down onto the floor, leaning his head against his knees and then wrapping his arms around them. Chan felt dread pinching his stomach as he read through the papers that Felix had given him. Now everything made sense. Why Felix was so tired, where he disappeared so often… He felt so… Sad for the younger, but at the same time he was fond. Only Felix would go to this extent to pay back to people that he cared about.  
“Felix… You don’t need to pay us back, they’re gifts. You’re not supposed to pay back. We give them out of kindness, not with the intention that we want something in return. You’re enough, Lix”, Chan said soothingly, sitting down next to Felix on the floor. He took the Australian boy into his arms, holding him close, whispering reassuring words and rubbing Felix’s back up and down in a calming manner.  
“I’m not too kind. You, Lee Felix, are too kind and too anxious. But it’s okay, we’ll work on it. It’s okay”, Chan said, squeezing just a little tighter. Felix sniffled quietly and nodded, pressing closer to Chan. He listened to Chan’s steady heartbeat, felt his arms around him. He was going to be okay. It’s okay if he was a little too kind, a little too anxious. 

"But can I still pay you back the AirPods, please?"  
"Lee Felix!"


End file.
